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Loneliness: Causes, Coping With It, and Getting Help

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2025-05-08 09:52

Loneliness is cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself to be alone, according to the American Psychological Association (APA). The APA defines it as the emotional distress we feel when our inherent needs for intimacy and companionship are not met.

It can be either an objective or subjective state, Dr. Olds explains. You could, for example, live alone and crave companionship. But loneliness also describes what you feel when you’re in a crowded room and aren’t connecting with the people around you as much as you’d like to be, she says.

Richard Weissbourd, EdD, faculty director of human development and psychology at the Harvard Graduate School of Education, says it’s important to point out that the academic definition of loneliness is a general one, and it doesn’t describe all of the various ways someone experiences loneliness. “It doesn’t describe the fine-grain emotional states people feel when they’re lonely,” he explains.

A new parent who is tending to their baby all day and is seeking adult connection may feel a kind of loneliness that’s completely different than the experience a college freshman may be grappling with after leaving their hometown and moving into a dorm room with strangers, says Weissbourd, whose research focuses on human relationships and connection.

The Difference Between Loneliness and Being Alone

Being alone is not the same as feeling lonely. Being alone means an absence of others around you, whereas the APA definition of loneliness emphasizes that feeling lonely refers to the discrepancy you feel between desired and actual social relationships (in terms of either quantity or quality).

Loneliness is a feeling of unwanted isolation or lack of connection, whether you are alone or surrounded by others. Solitude, on the other hand, is a choice. People may choose to be alone for hours or days and not feel lonely at all, Olds says.

“Solitude can be a wonderful thing, until it goes on too long and drifts into loneliness,” she adds.

Studies, including one published in 2017, have suggested that living alone is a risk factor for loneliness and social isolation. But, research also suggests that time spent alone can help with feelings of autonomy, self-discovery, and fostering a “peaceful mood,” especially in seniors, according to a 2021 study.

In other words, being alone can — but doesn’t necessarily — cause loneliness.